Counting the Cost

“Hey, let’s make pancakes,” Andrew tells the groggy teen emerging from his room. With sleep still heavy on his eyelids, he nods carefully and silently. Andrew turns on the music James* had added to his playlist the day before, while Angela hands him the mixing bowl and sets him to work making breakfast. Together, with music dancing in the background, they whip up eggs and sausages and start grilling the pancakes. In that morning between strangers, making breakfast together brings a sense of comfort and home.

Andrew and his sister, Angela, had just picked him up the day before at a Starbucks in Cerritos, where his aunt quickly covered his habits and medications. She, being his primary caretaker, was in need of respite during a particularly difficult season and reached out to Safe Families for help. As Safe Families volunteers, Andrew and Angela agreed to be temporary hosts.

Safe Families for Children is a unique family preservation program that collaborates with local churches and volunteers to support children and parents navigating difficult circumstances such as unemployment, homelessness, hospitalization, and addiction. It is a positive alternative to the child state welfare system and allows parents to arrange for their children to stay with a host family while they work through the issues that led to instability without the fear of losing custody. The program’s goal is to reunite children with their parents in a home that is healthy and stable.

Andrew and Angela have wanted to be a part of Safe Families ever since they first heard about it at Ekko. For Andrew, Safe Families was one of the primary reasons he had joined the Mary and Joseph Initiative at Ekko Church: he believes in the importance of family preservation.

At Ekko, we created The Mary and Joseph Initiative (MJI) to empower the local church to love the orphans and vulnerable families in our midst.

Andrew is the type of person with a proclivity for listening and asking thoughtful questions. Carrying a presence that is both unanxious and engaging, he leaves those he interacts with feeling seen and heard. “Everyone deserves a safe place they can turn to,” he says earnestly. He sits with his hands beneath his thighs. His soft voice warms with a smile as he recollects his time hosting. “I wouldn’t have done Safe Families if I hadn’t seen other people do it. Because it was part of our culture at Ekko, it made me realize it was possible. That maybe I can do something like this too and help out in that way.”

Our mission at Ekko is home: to be a home and to extend it. “It builds faith when you see people actively doing it, participating as hosts,” Andrew explains. Safe Families is one of the ways we as a church fulfill this mission of hospitality.

After weeks of training and completing the necessary requirements, he and his sister finally receive a request to host a teenage boy, James, for one weekend, and Andrew learns to unpack what it means to be a safe place for someone else—even if it’s for a few days.

“We’re not the type to give our time away even to friends, let alone to people we don’t know,” Andrew elaborates. He is the first to admit that he is protective of his own time and energy. And as the reality dawns on him that he is about to spend his weekend caring for someone he doesn’t know, he starts to brace himself.

He begins to count the cost of what it means to be a home for someone.

What it means to tangibly give your time,

your resources,

your energy,

your presence.

“How are we going to fill an entire Saturday?” He looks at his sister. A legitimate concern accounting for a teenager they’ve never met.  

Initially, James is shy—incredibly shy. But slowly, as they cook together and spend time doing activities together, he begins to reveal his bustling personality. He is cheeky and quirky, brimming with life and laughter, and shows an affinity for unconventional skincare (including leaving face soap on for hours). He likes taking long baths, sampling all the products and singing to songs by Drake, Beyoncé and Cardi B. “I don’t know if all teenagers are like this, or if it’s because I have a small sample size,” Andrew laughs as he recalls the idiosyncrasies of a budding teenager.

During their first hosting, Angela and Andrew take turns bringing James to the movies and then to Disneyland in order to cover their bases while maintaining a healthy balance of rest by switching off in between.

While spending the day at Disneyland, Andrew joins Uriah, hosting a two-year-old at the time, and the Chois with their toddler, Sophie. “There was one moment we were still eating, and James picked up Uriah’s host child and took care of him when he was getting fussy,” Andrew says. And seeing them all there, this unlikely bunch strung together from different life stages and cultures walking and moving rhythmically together, “This showed me the importance of a strong community,” he continues. A glimpse into a mosaic of God’s kingdom banded together by Christ between long lines and bustling crowds.

During their first hosting with James, Andrew and Angela bring him to Ekko. “He was so welcomed here. It really warmed my heart,” Andrew says. James goes on to stay with them again and several other members throughout the year, and it is during their second hosting with him, that they begin to realize that it’s not necessarily the things that they fill the time with that James enjoys.

He thrives in the time spent all together.

“When my sister and mom took him on a hike, he got in the middle of them and held their hands. He wanted everyone to be together. He liked the image of a family together,” Andrew says. 

“We realized that more than anything else, he thrived when he was cooking with us and doing things together.” So, as they prepared to host him again, they made sure not to switch off as much. Though it meant they would feel more drained by the end of the hosting, they began to learn what it meant to be a home that James needed at that time.

“Love, by its very nature, is ready to serve and be subject to him who is loved.”

— Martin Luther

For Andrew and his sister, the cost to learn and love the way James needed to be loved was more than what they had anticipated. Though Andrew had always wanted open his home for someone else, he realized that it wasn’t just about the physical aspect of providing a home, but also the emotional and spiritual aspect of hospitality. “There is a personal cost to take on,” he says.  

To love, to listen, to be present. To serve, to be a safe place, to be a home. While these are easier said than done, scripture reminds us that we’re called to love God and His people, especially the most vulnerable or overlooked, in tangible ways.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

— James 1:27

As we follow Jesus, we follow His way of life: the way Jesus practices hospitality — one that is generous, inconvenient, and grace-filled.

“Giving away our weekends, our time, our energy, it was something so small,” Andrew cracks a smile — referring to both himself and his sister as sissy pants when it comes to taking time out of their schedules. “I realized how valuable my time was and how valuable it was to give it up.”

“But it’s so rewarding when you do make time and are intentional,” he explains. As a host, Andrew found himself being formed and stretched to looking more and more like Christ.

“Though it was harder in ways I didn’t anticipate, I’m learning what it means to be a safe place for other people. It’s more than just providing a roof. It taught us a lot about ourselves. What we are good at, what we still need to grow in,” he says. “You can’t give something away that costs nothing.”

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The Mary and Joseph Initiative (MJI) at Ekko Church exists to love on the orphans and vulnerable families in our communities. We strive to educate our church about orphan care issues so that we can equip ourselves to be able to support those in our tribe who adopt, foster or serve as a host family. We want to participate in the mission that God calls us to care for the orphan and to carry the spirit of adoption.

Contact Sung, Ekko’s Outreach Director, at sung@ekkochurch.com to learn more about how to serve or support those partnering as a host family for Safe Families.

*Name changed to protect the individual’s privacy

Photos by Michelle Kim