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The Bottom Line

Like many newlyweds, after the hoopla and grandeur of the engagement, parties and the glow of the honeymoon, the grit of the everyday comes into focus like an alarm chirping on a Monday morning.

It’s just the beginning of the rest of your life together.

When Nikki and Kyle got married shortly after they graduated college, they were no strangers to each other. Having been together since high school, they had been through the ups and downs and the stretching and growing in college, and yet their relationship stood the test of their turbulent early-adulthood. And now, standing on the opposite side of covenant as husband and wife, they faced a seemingly endless ocean before them: debt.

It was shortly after their marriage when they realized how in over their heads they were in debt. As they floundered under the weight of their student loans, including undergraduate and graduate school loans, they were still trying to catch their bearings with living together, figuring out bills, rent, and savings.

“My relationship with money was always fraught with tension and stress,” Nikki begins. The debt they had accumulated were from undergraduate and graduate loans weighed on her shoulders like a boulder. “Early on, we met with a financial planner who advised us to not pay off our loans.” The advisor was trying to convince them to get into a loan forgiveness program because of her occupation as a social worker. However, after praying about it together, both of them felt initially tempted, but unsettled. For Nikki and Kyle, they realized that if they didn’t pay their own debt, “our debt would have to be paid by someone else… whether that’s by the government or other people,” Kyle adds.

“We didn’t think that was fair. We took it for our education, so it was our responsibility.”

Together, as husband and wife, they made a decision to take ownership of their debt and start throwing everything they could at their loans.

As they started to budget, pay off loans and try to save, Kyle explains how their attitude toward tithing changed. “There was one Sunday where Pastor Bryan was teaching us about the spiritual discipline of tithing. At that point, he wasn’t beating around the bush anymore,” Kyle recalls. “We had been tithing 10% of our net income, and that’s when he said we need to be giving 10% of our gross income,” Kyle says.

That day, their understanding of finances and tithing shifted.

This wasn’t about doing the bare minimum out of sheer obligation.

Tithing was about giving God what is His, and it’s about surrendering the first fruits in a posture of obedience and faithfulness.

Nikki and Kyle are the first to confess that it was hard to take that first step—especially because they had been so aggressively trying to pay off their debt. “But tithing 10% of our gross income taught us to give to God what is His, before taxes and other expenses,” Kyle continues. “It was about learning how to give God our best, our first fruits, not our leftovers. It was proclaiming that this money is not ours, but God’s.”

“Of course you think about where that money could go,” Nikki admits. “But once our perspective on tithing shifted, it started to become a discipline. We didn’t even count that 10% in our budget. It wasn’t ours to save or use for loans.” But after some time, Nikki and Kyle began to observe something supernatural at work. “I swear, against all logic, it just works itself out. When you tithe, you learn to work with what you have left,” Nikki says. 

“How can we expect Him to move in any other aspect in our lives if we can’t give back to God what’s His to begin with? That’s the bottom line.”

As they prayed over their finances, they began to move in faith and obedience by tithing their firstfruits to God and by actively tackling their debt, Nikki and Kyle started to learn what it meant to trust God and His provisions, while still being responsible stewards of their finances. In their lives, they were often reminded of God’s promise to provide. “If God takes care of the fields, how much more does he care for us? Leading a full life of faith is not about convenience or ease or comfort. But when you look back, you will see the testimony of His faithfulness,” Nikki says.

Over the course of three years, Nikki cycled through many job opportunities as a social worker getting her hours. Long, arduous hours bearing the emotional heaviness and uncertainty of the next position, but as they look back, they see so much of God’s provision in and through each job opportunity. “Each job I had, each salary I was paid, God was and is our Provider. Though it wasn’t how we expected, it allowed us to get to where we are now,” she says.

They asked for a way, and God always provided.

But His way wasn’t always easy.

“There are no shortcuts when it comes to getting out of debt.”

— Dave Ramsey

One of the hardest things they had to learn to say was “no.” They learned to refrain from eating out more than once a week or buying that extra coffee here and there. When Nikki and Kyle painstakingly looked over their credit card statements, categorizing each line item to incredible detail: eating out, coffee, gas, personal shopping, gifts… “I began to realize that stuff added up so quickly where I didn’t know they’d add up,” Nikki says, “Ten dollars here and there add up so quickly, more than you think.” With little adjustments and delaying gratification, they learned to fellowship with their friends differently; instead of going out, they would invite people over and host them, and instead of buying that coffee, they would make it at home.

They often heard that they should travel and saw their peers traveling, but they realized they had to learn what they were willing to sacrifice as a family. “You have to know what your limits are. That’s between you and God and what He’s asking you to do,” Nikki says.

“No for now, but not forever.”

— Pastor Bryan and Pastor Michelle

“This whole fear of missing out is so much pressure, but it’s okay to say no. Of course, we feel that pressure too. But there are other ways to be present with people and give them your time,” Nikki says. Making adjustments and small sacrifices for the long-term taught them to be creative with how to be present and active within their friendships. “You don’t have to live under a rock, enjoy yourself to an extent. But you make adjustments, and sometimes it’s a sacrifice, but in the long run, you’ll have so much freedom. It’s so worth it.”

In the spring of this year, Nikki and Kyle wiped the last of the tens of thousands of dollars of their debt away. Though it set them back to base level in regards to their savings, it was worth it. “You could just see the freedom breaking through Nikki’s face when that last payment went through,” Kyle says with a smile. Through their faithfulness to give and by learning to forsake temporal comforts and instant pleasures, Nikki and Kyle get to experience the blessings and the joys on the other side of their obedience.

Instead of being controlled and chained by their finances, they are able to see it as a resource to be stewarded with God’s wisdom and a way to bless others. “We pray, and ask if there’s a person, place or time God wants us to give, we surrender that,” Kyle says.

“Debt, whether educational or not, is debt. When you make it a priority to steward what you’ve been given and take ownership of the money you have borrowed, I can’t tell you enough of the freedom and joy we get to live in now,” Nikki says, a broad smile spreading across her face. “When God moves us to give, and we get to participate with Him.”

“The wicked borrows but does not pay back, but the righteous is generous and gives.”

— Psalm 37:21  

Sermons:

A Tenth of Everything | Pastor Bryan H. Kim (Genesis Series)

Good Enough | Pastor Janette Ok (Luke Series)

Tithing | Pastor Sam Song (Guest Speaker)

Spirit of Mammon | Pastor Sam Song (Guest Speaker)

What Do I Still Lack?  | Pastor Bryan H. Kim (Matthew Series)

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Counting the Cost

“Hey, let’s make pancakes,” Andrew tells the groggy teen emerging from his room. With sleep still heavy on his eyelids, he nods carefully and silently. Andrew turns on the music James* had added to his playlist the day before, while Angela hands him the mixing bowl and sets him to work making breakfast. Together, with music dancing in the background, they whip up eggs and sausages and start grilling the pancakes. In that morning between strangers, making breakfast together brings a sense of comfort and home.

Andrew and his sister, Angela, had just picked him up the day before at a Starbucks in Cerritos, where his aunt quickly covered his habits and medications. She, being his primary caretaker, was in need of respite during a particularly difficult season and reached out to Safe Families for help. As Safe Families volunteers, Andrew and Angela agreed to be temporary hosts.

Safe Families for Children is a unique family preservation program that collaborates with local churches and volunteers to support children and parents navigating difficult circumstances such as unemployment, homelessness, hospitalization, and addiction. It is a positive alternative to the child state welfare system and allows parents to arrange for their children to stay with a host family while they work through the issues that led to instability without the fear of losing custody. The program’s goal is to reunite children with their parents in a home that is healthy and stable.

Andrew and Angela have wanted to be a part of Safe Families ever since they first heard about it at Ekko. For Andrew, Safe Families was one of the primary reasons he had joined the Mary and Joseph Initiative at Ekko Church: he believes in the importance of family preservation.

At Ekko, we created The Mary and Joseph Initiative (MJI) to empower the local church to love the orphans and vulnerable families in our midst.

Andrew is the type of person with a proclivity for listening and asking thoughtful questions. Carrying a presence that is both unanxious and engaging, he leaves those he interacts with feeling seen and heard. “Everyone deserves a safe place they can turn to,” he says earnestly. He sits with his hands beneath his thighs. His soft voice warms with a smile as he recollects his time hosting. “I wouldn’t have done Safe Families if I hadn’t seen other people do it. Because it was part of our culture at Ekko, it made me realize it was possible. That maybe I can do something like this too and help out in that way.”

Our mission at Ekko is home: to be a home and to extend it. “It builds faith when you see people actively doing it, participating as hosts,” Andrew explains. Safe Families is one of the ways we as a church fulfill this mission of hospitality.

After weeks of training and completing the necessary requirements, he and his sister finally receive a request to host a teenage boy, James, for one weekend, and Andrew learns to unpack what it means to be a safe place for someone else—even if it’s for a few days.

“We’re not the type to give our time away even to friends, let alone to people we don’t know,” Andrew elaborates. He is the first to admit that he is protective of his own time and energy. And as the reality dawns on him that he is about to spend his weekend caring for someone he doesn’t know, he starts to brace himself.

He begins to count the cost of what it means to be a home for someone.

What it means to tangibly give your time,

your resources,

your energy,

your presence.

“How are we going to fill an entire Saturday?” He looks at his sister. A legitimate concern accounting for a teenager they’ve never met.  

Initially, James is shy—incredibly shy. But slowly, as they cook together and spend time doing activities together, he begins to reveal his bustling personality. He is cheeky and quirky, brimming with life and laughter, and shows an affinity for unconventional skincare (including leaving face soap on for hours). He likes taking long baths, sampling all the products and singing to songs by Drake, Beyoncé and Cardi B. “I don’t know if all teenagers are like this, or if it’s because I have a small sample size,” Andrew laughs as he recalls the idiosyncrasies of a budding teenager.

During their first hosting, Angela and Andrew take turns bringing James to the movies and then to Disneyland in order to cover their bases while maintaining a healthy balance of rest by switching off in between.

While spending the day at Disneyland, Andrew joins Uriah, hosting a two-year-old at the time, and the Chois with their toddler, Sophie. “There was one moment we were still eating, and James picked up Uriah’s host child and took care of him when he was getting fussy,” Andrew says. And seeing them all there, this unlikely bunch strung together from different life stages and cultures walking and moving rhythmically together, “This showed me the importance of a strong community,” he continues. A glimpse into a mosaic of God’s kingdom banded together by Christ between long lines and bustling crowds.

During their first hosting with James, Andrew and Angela bring him to Ekko. “He was so welcomed here. It really warmed my heart,” Andrew says. James goes on to stay with them again and several other members throughout the year, and it is during their second hosting with him, that they begin to realize that it’s not necessarily the things that they fill the time with that James enjoys.

He thrives in the time spent all together.

“When my sister and mom took him on a hike, he got in the middle of them and held their hands. He wanted everyone to be together. He liked the image of a family together,” Andrew says. 

“We realized that more than anything else, he thrived when he was cooking with us and doing things together.” So, as they prepared to host him again, they made sure not to switch off as much. Though it meant they would feel more drained by the end of the hosting, they began to learn what it meant to be a home that James needed at that time.

“Love, by its very nature, is ready to serve and be subject to him who is loved.”

— Martin Luther

For Andrew and his sister, the cost to learn and love the way James needed to be loved was more than what they had anticipated. Though Andrew had always wanted open his home for someone else, he realized that it wasn’t just about the physical aspect of providing a home, but also the emotional and spiritual aspect of hospitality. “There is a personal cost to take on,” he says.  

To love, to listen, to be present. To serve, to be a safe place, to be a home. While these are easier said than done, scripture reminds us that we’re called to love God and His people, especially the most vulnerable or overlooked, in tangible ways.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

— James 1:27

As we follow Jesus, we follow His way of life: the way Jesus practices hospitality — one that is generous, inconvenient, and grace-filled.

“Giving away our weekends, our time, our energy, it was something so small,” Andrew cracks a smile — referring to both himself and his sister as sissy pants when it comes to taking time out of their schedules. “I realized how valuable my time was and how valuable it was to give it up.”

“But it’s so rewarding when you do make time and are intentional,” he explains. As a host, Andrew found himself being formed and stretched to looking more and more like Christ.

“Though it was harder in ways I didn’t anticipate, I’m learning what it means to be a safe place for other people. It’s more than just providing a roof. It taught us a lot about ourselves. What we are good at, what we still need to grow in,” he says. “You can’t give something away that costs nothing.”

The Mary and Joseph Initiative (MJI) at Ekko Church exists to love on the orphans and vulnerable families in our communities. We strive to educate our church about orphan care issues so that we can equip ourselves to be able to support those in our tribe who adopt, foster or serve as a host family. We want to participate in the mission that God calls us to care for the orphan and to carry the spirit of adoption.

Contact Sung, Ekko’s Outreach Director, at sung@ekkochurch.com to learn more about how to serve or support those partnering as a host family for Safe Families.

*Name changed to protect the individual’s privacy

Photos by Michelle Kim

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When Your Best Isn’t Enough

He holds his breath as he opens the mail and scans the first sentences.

We regret to inform you…

At this time, we are unable to…

Thank you for your interest…

He exhales. A pin drops in his stomach. Here we go again, he thinks to himself.

For the past four years, John has been applying to countless physical therapy programs, and each year, he has faced round after round of closed doors.

After receiving the first set of rejection letters, John decided to retake classes and work as a PT aide at a local clinic. “There was no guarantee that taking classes would get me into school or raise my chances, but I had to do something,” John says. And each year, despite the disappointment of not getting accepted, he felt a responsibility to stay put and work hard.

“PT aide jobs are meant to be temporary. There was such a high turnover at the clinic, but I made the decision to stay and be a rock for the owner,” he continues. John ended up working a minimum wage job at that clinic for four years and ultimately became an integral part of the team. But to stay was challenging and disheartening, “It was hard watching PT aides come and go and my friends progress in their careers,” he explains. It would have been easier to quit and try a different career route.

But John remained faithful and steadfast through the mundane, day in and day out routine of class and work.

Growing up, John explains that he was never the smartest nor the strongest, “But I always tried really hard. I’d always grit it out,” he says. However, even armed with tenacity, John began to understand in this season that sometimes, even your best isn’t good enough.

He couldn’t do this on his own.

“Sometimes you can’t always just grit it out. And that’s when I learned that I need to give it to God and wait.”

Part of giving his dream to God was wrestling with it in community. Early on in his journey, John visited Ekko with his friend and from the first day, he decided to go all in. He signed up for Orthopraxis right away and got plugged into the community. As he got integrated into Ekko, his relationship with God deepened and he began to mature in his faith. “I began thriving in community. I think without their support, I would’ve given up. But so many people had faith in me. For so many years they prayed for me.”

By the third year of his journey, John had the opportunity to go on a medical missions trip to Lebanon and work with Syrian refugees. In his experience, he was able to exercise his limited physical therapy skills while sharing the Gospel with them. “That was the first time I ever evangelized in my life. And that’s when I started to catch God’s vision and heart for those who are suffering,” he says.

The missions trip shaped his vision and purpose in what would be his future career — no matter how long it would take for him to get there. He admits that before the trip, his aspirations were simply to become a successful physical therapist and own a practice one day. He had always had a desire to help people, even from a young age, but God wanted to expand his vision and mission.

“I believe God wanted me to go out and grow and see those in the world who need healing physically and spiritually. He captured my heart there,” he says.

“Waiting exposes our idols… It brings us to the end of what we can control and forces us to cry out to God. God doesn’t waste our waiting. He uses it to conform us to the image of his Son.”

— Betsy Childs Howard

As John tells his story, he sits outside a glass building wearing navy blue scrubs with pens and highlighters protruding from his pocket. He has just ended a long day of class and is about to spend the next several hours of his night studying Anatomy. The late afternoon sun warms the glass behind him and there is a rustle of students walking about.

After his fourth year of trying to get into school, he finally got pulled off the waitlist and was accepted into Loma Linda’s competitive physical therapy program. He often looks up as he recounts the years he spent working and waiting to get to this point in his life, and gratitude and faith overflow from his spirit.

“I’m so tired. I’ve never studied so hard in my life,” he says with a big, exasperated laugh, “But I get to do this. I get to live my dream.”

It is in hindsight that he’s able to see God’s thread so clearly woven in and through each season, each obstacle and even each closed door. The timing was perfect, he says, “I think it took so long because God wanted me to grow and go out and see those in the world who are suffering. I needed to learn how to be faithful and shape my vision for those who need healing.”

There was a purpose in the waiting season and in the rejections when it seemed like nothing was happening or working out. He ponders out loud, “If I had gotten in right after school, or the year after, or the year after that, would I have this community? Would I have this relationship with God? Would I have this vision or be at this school?”

As he waited for God, persevered through discouragement and dove into community, John learned to listen for God’s voice and to go where He was leading. “Waiting, for me, wasn’t about doing nothing. Waiting was doing all kinds of things but trusting that God was working. I just had to keep listening and being open and faithful,” he says.

“In my moments of weakness, God came through. I can only give Him the glory, because my best wasn’t enough.”

“I learned you just have to keep going, keep fighting, keep giving it your best. There’s going to be breakthrough. God controls the timing and outcome. He is working and there is a purpose in waiting.”