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I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

Have you ever met your friend’s new boyfriend or girlfriend and thought, “What are you doing?” or even looked back and thought to yourself, “What was I thinking?”

The truth is, love is not blind. Lust is blind.

So we need a clear, but necessary, manual in finding the right partner as a Christian. In order to set the foundation for a relationship that is founded and informed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we need two things.

Because some day you’re going to have to love this person. You will have to submit, sacrifice, and selflessly care for this person. And you’re going to want to trust that they will submit, sacrifice, and selflessly care for you too.

How do you know that this person can do that?

We have to look for what God looks for.

“GOD told Samuel, ‘ Looks aren’t everything. Don’t be impressed with his looks ad stature. I’ve already eliminated him. GOD judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; GOD looks into the heart.'” (1 Samuel 16:7 MSG)

First thing we have to look for: A Spiritual friend, a Companion.

Many times, we confuse compatibility with companionship. We assume that the compatible person is the right person for us. Couples that have similar hobbies or interests are nice, but it doesn’t guarantee a godly marriage.

Sometimes, the best godly couples are very incompatible in the things they enjoy.

“Compatibility is an achievement of love; it shouldn’t be its precondition.”

— Alain De Botton


Compatibility is a blessing, but not always a necessity or a marker of godliness.

Companionship is what we really need.

Aelred of Rievaulx describes three different types of companionship, friendship, this way:

“Let us call one friendship carnal, another worldly, and the third spiritual. The carnal is created by a conspiracy in vice, the worldly is enkindled by hope of gain, and the spiritual is cemented among the righteous by a likeness of lifestyles and interests.”

“You and I are here, and I hope that Christ is between us as a third.”

This is what it should feel like in your dating season: Christ is between you, involved in every step.

The second thing you need to look for in a potential mate: Equally-yoked.

This comes from Paul in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

To better understand the idea of being equally yoked, we have to enter the imagination of 1st Century Palestine. The image they would get would be of two bulls carrying the burden of the yoke on their shoulders, together, in unison, pulling the heavy plow, working the field together.

In the time of Jesus, taking the yoke of the rabbi reflected a disciple’s willing submission and adherence to his rabbi’s interpretation and application of the Old Testament Scriptures.

This is the interpretation, application and the way of life prescribed by the Rabbi.

  • Equally yoked then means that the two share an equal, similar, weight, and desire and willing submission to Jesus’ teachings and ways.
  • Equally yoked also means the willingness to submit to the level of commitment the other has to their master. (e.g. I am going to be equally yoked with you in doing the Keto-life, I too will abide by its ways, its philosophies, its prescribed way of eating and living.)

Imagine a farmer trying to plough with two unequally yoked cows. Let’s not frustrate the Lord and His will for our lives. 

Question to ask if you’re considering each other’s churches:

  1. “Am I willing to submit to the yoke of that house?” 
  2. “Can I submit to the pastor of that church?” 
  3. “Would I welcome it if my kids were pastored here“ 
  4. “Can I submit to the mission of this/that church?” 
  5. “Am I willing to give of my time, talents, and tithe to that church?”

Your passion to carry the yoke together must be one. Like one bull carrying the yoke. That’s being “equally yoked”. Your marriage could not only frustrate you, but it could derail the mission of God for you and your life.

Here are some lies we tell ourselves:

  1. “This person will change when we get married.” 
  2. “Marriage will solve a lot of our troubles.” 
  3. “I can fix this person.” 
  4. “We will be equally yoked after marriage.” 
  5. “Being equally yoked is not as important as the Bible says.” 

As Pastor Bryan notes, “The quality of love for God should be similar, but the expression of that love can be different.” Some people might raise their hands in prayer, others might not. That doesn’t always indicate their intimacy with God. We need to use discernment and practice wisdom. Invite friends and loved ones in the process. Ask for their input.

For the singles wanting and waiting for a companion in God, here is a prayer Pastor Bryan would like to bless you with.

“Father, I pray for every person here longing to be with someone special someday.

Help us to see with your eyes. Not to be so easily impressed with what the world says to value but to look for what you value; a heart after you. 

Help us to become a submissive, sacrificial, selfless person today. Teach us to be like Jesus now so that we can be prepared to offer ourselves to our future spouse in Christ-like love. 

Help us to become a godly companion to others today as we trust in you to provide for us a godly companion in our future spouse.

Help us to be yoked with Christ and His Teachings and to find others who want to be yoked in the same way.

Help us to make the most of our singlehood for the glory of God. Grant to us the blessing of looking back with no regrets, for we want to spend our singleness on you and what you care about. 

Help us to fall so desperately in love with you, so preoccupied with you Jesus, that it will be a surprise to us when our future spouse arrives. 

Help us to trust you by trusting the Body of Christ and their involvement with my relationships. I give you permission to lead me by speaking through the Body of Christ. 

I trust you, I will wait for you, I will submit to you and your timing. As for me, I declare, you are my fountain, You are the lover of my soul, now and forever.

Amen.”

You can listen to the sermon I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For from the Ephesians series that inspired this post here.

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The Joy of His Promises — Week 2 (2019)

As we continue in this season of Lent, we are learning to turn away from the things that so easily catch our attention, for the One who satisfies all of us. But, it’s hard, isn’t it?

Though we yearn for the peace of God, we struggle when we are still.

Because it’s in the stillness where we often come face to face with our worries and anxieties.

Because waiting and listening for God’s voice sometimes doesn’t feel very productive. We grow impatient and hurried. Anxious and restless. It’s easier and more tempting to take things into our own hands.

But during the Lent season, we want to practice savoring God’s Word in order to equip our hearts and minds with the truths of God. Because it’s in the proclamation of His truth over our circumstances that reminds us that He is the one illuminating our paths.

Not because God is a fortune teller who will tell us what’s going to happen, or that He promises we won’t have hardships, but because we need to recall upon His faithfulness and His goodness. He is in control. It’s just that we are often so forgetful.

Excerpts from Psalm 119

I have chosen the way of faithfulness;

   I have set my heart on your laws.

Direct me in the path of your commands,

   for there I find delight.

Turn my heart toward your statutes

   and not toward selfish gain.

I have sought your face with all my heart;

   be gracious to me according to your promise.

Your hands made me and formed me;

   give me understanding to learn your commands.

May your unfailing love be my comfort,

   according to your promise to your servant.

Let your compassion come to me that I may live,

   for your law is my delight.

Your word is a lamp for my feet,

   a light on my path.

When we forget that God is in control, we become worried and impatient. We take on the burden ourselves to try to make things happen the way we want it to. We make unwise or poor decisions based on fear. We cut corners at work. We are stingy with our time or finances. We withdraw or turn to our addictions. We forget what He has told us: that He works for the good of those who love him.

And it’s not that our fears are illegitimate, but it’s that He wants us to find hope in His promise. Because He cares for you.

This week, we’re going to fast the ways we cope with worry and anxiety and we’re going to feast on remembering and rehearsing His promises. Because when we do so, this is how we become steadfast. We develop an inner fortitude that is rooted in Him, rather than our circumstances. And we cultivate a lasting joy that comes from knowing and trusting that He is who He says He is.

For 30 minutes each day this week, begin by writing down the worries or fears that you might have and then rehearse His promises that we find in scripture.

For example, if you find yourself discouraged or worried about your job situation, remember that God goes before us. He takes care of our every need. It’s not that your fears are illegitimate. He knows and He cares. So each day, after each reading, reflect on God’s promises.

Who does God say He is?

What are His promises?

Slowly over time, as we equip ourselves with His truth, we begin to find moments of clarity and faith – even when circumstances are hard or out of our control.

Let’s pray: God, I surrender. You remain. On Your truth, I build my life. And through it all, You are still true. You are good on Your word, and You always keep Your promises. Amen.

And for Parents, a prayer of blessing over your child:

Child, May you build your life on the rock of God’s truth. May He be the foundation of your life. Amen.  


To listen to the audio version of this Lenten Devotional, click here.

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Longing for Joy – Week 1 (2019)

As we enter into the Season of Lent, we do so with our eyes fixed on Jesus.

We remember the joy that we can now experience because of His victory over death.

This first week of Lent, we are going to practice what it looks like to invite joy into our daily lives. And while Lent is traditionally a season for intentional repentance and fasting, it’s doing so in order to create space to find our fullness of joy and satisfaction in God. It’s not just a turning away from our addictions or the immediacy of our satisfaction in these things, but a turning toward the things of God.

Imagine it as the careful unfolding of the tight grips we hold onto.

It’s learning to open our palms in expectation, to create the space in us to meet with God who satisfies all of our needs and wants and desires.

But why is it that we often find ourselves joyless? What keeps us from experiencing Him and enjoying Him completely?

Read through passages in Psalm 84 and do so with palms open as a sign of humility and hunger for God:

Ask Him for the gift of His grace to desire for Him. Ask Him to help you trust Him. That He will come and He will satisfy the deepest desires of your soul.

How lovely is your dwelling place,

My soul yearns, even faints,

   for the courts of the Lord;

my heart and my flesh cry out

   for the living God.

Even the sparrow has found a home,

   and the swallow a nest for herself,

   where she may have her young—

a place near your altar,

   Lord Almighty, my King and my God.

Blessed are those who dwell in your house;

   they are ever praising you.

As they pass through the Valleys,

   they make it a place of springs;

Better is one day in your courts

   than a thousand elsewhere.

Amen.

Why is it that we often find ourselves so joyless? We have so many meetings, but no connection. We eat, but don’t feel satisfied. When we take time off, we don’t feel rested. We are constantly distracted by the hundreds of options that entice us for better and more instant gratifications.

And why, because that’s how God designed us. He designed us with eternity in our hearts and a yearning in our souls. But we take this yearning and try to fill it with easier more tangible things like feeling loved by how many people notice us online or by numbing ourselves by filling our hours with netflix or games or even with other people.

But what if we actually believed that God can fill this longing. What if the God who created you, knew exactly what would satisfy you?

So how do we practice creating space and participating in the joy of being with the God who satisfies us?

We need to first identify the distractions in our lives that keep us from being present with God. It can be as simple as shutting off the tv. Turning off the phone. Getting out of the house. Get rid of whatever distracts us just for 30 minutes every day this week. And for that half an hour, try to find a quiet place or turn on the playlist we’ve made for this season. And while you wait in that quiet place,

Pray this with us:

God, You deserve my full attention. I am learning to be present with You.

After the 30 minutes, journal the thoughts you had. You might notice how difficult it was. You might have gotten bored or tried to reach for your phone again. That’s okay. We’re practicing to bring our attention back to God.

This week is an act of faith. We are learning to let go and instead choose God. So let’s practice finding enjoyment in the stillness of inviting God to be the center of our attention.

Let’s pray:

God, You and you alone satisfy me. In You, I find fullness of joy. So I’m going to wait upon You. You are the one my soul yearns for. Amen

And for Parents, a prayer of blessing over your child:

Child, may you find God at the center. May you experience the goodness and the joy that comes from being close to Him. Amen.

To listen to the audio version of this Lenten Devotional, click here.