This past Sunday, we had the pleasure of having Dr. Jessica give us an introductory teaching on schemes, judgments, and vows. If you haven’t listened to her lecture for Orthopraxis, please give a listen here.
The goal in learning about this as Ekklesia Leaders is to be able to identify schemes that our members may have in our groups. This will help us minister to them as we empathize and understand their story and their pain.
What are schemes? Schemes are lies and beliefs about yourself that the enemy uses to derail us from God’s grace, truth, and love. They are bitter roots that grow in us that derail our lives and often come from a childhood pain or trauma. – Please refer to the document below for a summary. Most people have the scheme of rejection and illegitimacy.
What are judgements? Judgments are statements we make about particular people based on a past hurt or trauma.
Some Examples: – Men are unreliable. – My mom does not really care about me. – All leaders are untrustworthy.
What are vows? Vows are promises we make to ourselves in reaction to our judgements and our pain.
Some Examples: – Because my parents were always at work and did not care for me, I will always take care of myself.
Things to do in May – Review the document below regarding schemes, judgments, and vows. – Try to identify your top two schemes if you don’t know them. – Fill out and pray 1) prayers renouncing judgments 2) prayer of renouncing vows 3) prayer forgiving God
When we kicked off Lent, we were reminded that this season was and is for joy. Hebrews 12:1-2, reads “run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross.”
Jesus took on the crushing weight of humanity’s shame and sin, all for the joy of reconciling us, restoring creation, and bringing glory to the Father.
It was joy that motivated him to accomplish God’s will.
As we enter the final week Lent, we are going to practice letting go of the things that keep us comfortable and complacent. Because as we learn to forgo comfort and convenience, we actually begin to live out the joy of doing God’s will.
It isn’t that comfort is the enemy nor convenience something to be ashamed of. In fact comfort is good and necessary in many seasons of our lives. Jesus actually promises to comfort us with the Holy Spirit. But our choices and the way we build our lives cannot be built for the purpose of comfort – or with convenience as our King.
As Christ followers, we declare that Jesus is our King, we and that we are made to be a blessing to His world. But comfort – again which isn’t bad – often gets in the way of living a life submitted to God and His purposes. So we have to ask ourselves, do the patterns of our lives say that we live for comfort and convenience? Or do the choices that we make inform the world that Jesus is our King, and that we want to partake in what He is doing in the here and now.
Learning to forgo comfort and convenience is not about self-sacrifice, just as fasting isn’t about self-denial. It’s about posturing our lives as an act of surrender to God, and saying to Him again that HE can use all that we are and all that we have for His glory. Because there is far more joy in knowing WHO He is and being a part in what He is doing.
We see the heart of God moving through the example of Christ.
We see our Savior who allowed Himself to be inconvenienced by people and children – often the very people who the society at the time deemed as unworthy and burdensome. When He’s in a crowded place and the bleeding woman touches Him. He stops amid the commotion and turns to her. He honors and dignifies her. When He’s teaching, He stops the disciples from dismissing the children and instead welcomes them near. Of all people, Jesus had places to go and people to see, but He always allowed Himself to be interrupted by the least of these. No one was ever too inconvenient or unworthy of His time.
We see our King stopping often to be present with the people God so loved.
Meditate over excerpts from Psalm 16:
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing.”
Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
You make known to me the path of life
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
How do we know that our eyes are always on the Lord and that we have placed God at the center? We can be inconvenienced by Him and we find joy in living out His will in our lives.
Like the boy in the gospels who willingly brings Jesus his five loaves and two fish, we bring him what we have and who we are, and trust that He’s going to use whatever small gifts that we bring to be a blessing.
We are learning to have a loose grip on comforts, and this allows God to amplify what we have for His glory. And in this, we find ultimate joy and satisfaction in being who we’ve been made to be: a blessing to our world. And isn’t this the beautiful thing about our King? He doesn’t need us, but He still desires for us to participate in what He’s doing.
So what are your five loaves and two fish? What can God can ask of you to lay down or sacrifice? Is it your time? Your presence? Your finances? This week, let’s bring these to God and allow Him to use it for His glory.
Maybe it’s staying a bit later to listen to your coworker talk about what’s burdening their heart. Maybe it looks like buying the person’s groceries behind you. Maybe it’s spending an hour intentionally being present with your child even when you’re tired, or getting up a little earlier to spend time with God and intercede for those in your life.
Whatever we are doing, wherever we are, we want to become sensitive to God’s tug, so we can respond and participate in what He’s doing in the mundane, in the every day, in the seemingly small and inconsequential ways.
Pray this with us this week:
You are the King of my heart, and I give you permission to use whatever I have and all that I am for Your glory. Amen.
And parents, a prayer of blessing over your child:
Son or daughter, may you learn the joy that comes when we serve our king with all of our heart.
Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 4:3 to “make every effort to keep united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.”
This applies to marriage as well.
Because when we are united in marriage, it has the potential to preach the gospel and plant the seeds of the gospel in the world. It’s sown through the ways we love our spouses, the way we treat one another at home and in the world, and pours into how we relate to creation, others, and the church at large.
The problem is, unity is jeopardized in marriage due to disrespect and a lack of love.
So how do we stay unified in Christ?
Paul writes the plan in Ephesians 5:21, 33: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ… each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
According to Richard and Nathan Foster, submission is…
Submission is giving way to the will of the other. It’s holding our interests lightly and holding the other person’s interest above our own.
It’s the art of resisting the everlasting burden of always needing to get our own way.
Pastor Bryan says it like this: Submission is the belief that my spouse’s positions, plans and perspectives are good ideas and made with good intentions because my spouse is a good person.
How do you know if you’re a submissive person? You can ask yourself these two questions:
When was the last time I listened, obeyed, and responded positively without making comments or criticisms and simply and willingly did what my spouse wanted?
When was the last time I jumped to give the benefit of the doubt (charitable explanations) rather than jump to conclusions, assuming the worst of my spouse’s intentions?
So how do we practice the art of submission?
We give up our ways once in a while.
We give way for our spouse’s interests and perspectives
We give them the B. O. D. (benefit of the doubt)
We give of ourselves – our minds, bodies and souls.
This week let’s try something with our spouses to practice submission: Just say “yes” to everything they ask.
Let’s see what happens. See how their hearts soften.
(Advanced assignment for those who want a bit of a challenge: anticipate what they will ask for, and do it beforehand.)
This is how we practice submission.
Submission says to our spouse,
“I can give you the benefit of the doubt because there is no doubt that you are good, smart, kind, and loving. I believe in what God sees in you.”
Another way to practice submission is giving yourself to your spouse—all of you.
Last sermon, we talked about how the biblical view of self includes your body, mind, and soul. So submission also looks like giving all of you (emotionally and physically) to your spouse daily, weekly and yearly.
In 1 Corinthians, Paul writes, “The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to ‘stand up for your rights.’ Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting – but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.”
Sex takes discipline. Just as communication and emotional connection.
All of these take discipline in order to grow a loving an respectful marriage.
Withholding your body exposes the fact that there are parts of you that are either hurt, offended or bothered… but we must seek forgiveness, reconciliation and connection.
The real problem is that we don’t want sex enough!
The reality is: Your spouse wants sex all day.
Because as Dr. John Gottman says, “Everything is sex… Just getting up in the morning and telling your wife that she smells good. It’s all foreplay. I can make the coffee and empty the dishwasher — I can look at the kitchen the way she looks at it so that when she comes in, and thinks, ‘Geez, I have to clean this all up.’ She’ll be working very sleepily and I’ll say, ‘Are you ready for your coffee?’ And she goes, ‘Yeah,’ and here’s the coffee. So you’re always making love. You’re always connecting emotionally in some way, whether you mean to or not.”
We can’t just want to make love to our spouse’s body, we must make love to his or her mind and soul as well. Hence, he or she wants sex all day, and we must give that to our spouses in loving submission.
In the largest study ever done on sex (70,000 people from 24 different countries by the University of Washington), researchers asked those who said they had a great sex life and found several things in common.
Those who had a vibrant and healthy sex life all did these things:
They say, “I love you” every day, and mean it.
They give their partner compliments.
They have weekly romantic dates.
They have romantic getaways.
They make time for each other.
They cuddle. Even if they’re watching TV on the couch, they’re touching each other.
They express affection in public.
Submission is asking your spouse: How would he/she like to be touched? How would he/she like to spend time? And how would he/she want to talk?
Submission says this to our spouse, “You are good and valuable, inside and out, and you are worth giving my trust, heart, and body, over and over again.”
Let’s re-offer our bodies to God by promising it to our spouse. Pray this prayer with your spouse this week.
All images and materials are copyright protected and are the property of EKKO Church unless otherwise noted and credited to their maker. Please do not copy or distribute without permission.
During this Lent season, we’ve been practicing disciplines that help create the space in our own lives to grow in our awareness of God’s presence. And the beautiful thing about being intentional in our journey toward Christlikeness is that we begin to bless others.
Our hearts turn outward, toward the people and the world that God so loves.
We begin to experience the joy of being like Christ in our world.
And many times, this looks like participating in what God is doing through intercession. Because even until His dying breath, Jesus was interceding on our behalf. And in Romans, the Word says that He continues to intercede for us as He sits at the right hand of the Father in Heaven. Intercessory prayer is simply standing in the gap.
It’s praying on behalf of another person, community or nation by intentionally being in God’s presence for someone else, and offering prayers that they may not be able to make at the time. It’s asking for God’s will to be done in their lives on earth, as it is in heaven. As we offer up prayers on behalf of other people, we are petitioning for them to experience the good news of His love, to live with the assurance of God’s promises, and to experience God Himself.
Intercession is an expression of our love for God and for the people in our lives.
Pray through the excerpts of Psalm 126 from the Message Version
It seemed like a dream, too good to be true,
when God returned Zion’s exiles.
We laughed, we sang,
we couldn’t believe our good fortune.
We were the talk of the nations—
“God was wonderful to them!”
God was wonderful to us;
we are one happy people.
And now, God, do it again—
bring rains to our drought-stricken lives
So those who planted their crops in despair
will shout praise at the harvest,
So those who went off with heavy hearts
will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.
Amen.
In Jesus, we are clothed in His righteousness, we are sons and daughters of the Most High. In His likeness, just as He intercedes on our behalf, we get to do that for others. And in Jesus’ name, we pray, “Lord, do it again.”
So how do we begin to participate in the joy of being like Christ through intercession?
One of the ways we can do this, is by adopting the language and prayers of the Quakers. Quakers often say, “I will hold you in the light,” when they desire for someone peace and healing in mind, body and spirit.
The light represents the presence of Jesus in everyone, and to hold someone in the light of Christ, means to seek for that person to experience God’s presence, His healing, and His redeeming power in all circumstances. It’s asking God to illuminate His will in their lives, to surround them with His light, joy and peace.
So whether we are helping carry the burdens of loved ones, of praying for the sick in our midst, or heavy with desire for justice in our nation, we can hold these to the light of Christ within us.
This week, let’s practice participating in what God is doing by interceding for those God has placed on our hearts. Fast a meal, one day or for one week, and use that time to pray on behalf of someone else – maybe it’s a coworker, a parent, a sibling, a friend. Maybe it’s praying for those in Mozambique or in our community. Let’s participate in what God is doing in the here and now. Let’s stand in the gap.
Let’s pray:
God, thank You for standing in the gap for me. I want to be more and more like You. Amen.
And for parents, a prayer of blessing over your child,
Child, may you experience the joy of being like Christ in all that you do, and in all that you are. Amen.
How can we date wisely and well in preparation for marriage?
Dr. Neil Warren, the founder of E-harmony and the author of Finding the Love of Your Life, offers this advice after many years of study on all things relationships:
“Take it slow.”
So two ways we can take it slow during the dating season are:
Take it slowly by taking your time
Take it slowly by touching after covenant is established
Take your time by dating at a snail’s pace. This means: Don’t give your body, mind, and emotions over to the other so quickly.
How do we date at a snail’s pace?
Meet the family members much later, preferably in the Courtship stage.
Don’t make promises or declare undying love too early.
Treat the relationship like an organic garden, tending to it and giving it seasons to pass through.
Take time to really know each other: Ask questions, “What is your vocational credo?” “Where are you headed?” “Are we equally yoked?”
Take it slow by having sex only after covenant.
During the dating season, spend lots of time together. And after marriage, spend a lot of time together and spend a lot of time touching each other.
The negative impacts of pre-marital sex include:
It destroys your witness as a Christian to your non-christian significant other.
It fosters a disrespect for your walk with God to your Christian significant other.
It damages friendship by creating the illusion of intimacy.
It doesn’t allow for an organic development of godly companionship.
But why do we still engage in pre-marital sex, even if we “feel it’s wrong?”
Our theology of sex has been shaped by the world, so our behavior follows suit. We feel guilty, but we don’t know why we feel guilty. We just know as Christians that pre-marital sex is “bad.”
Here are some lies that we believe.
Lie 1A: The mind is more important than the body. The spiritual more valuable than the material (Plato).
Lie 1B (The Christian version): Mind and soul are what constitutes as the real Self, hence when I die, the Body will be left to rot with this rotting world, and the real Me will go to a disembodied paradise or heaven. (As if the body is a ‘decaying tomb’ that we will eventually be free from to go to a better place.)
But the truth is that the body is not a tomb. The body is a holy temple that God wants to inhabit.
1 Corinthians 6:19 says, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?”
God cares about your body and creation. Biblical eschatology gives us a biblical view and value of our anthropology. It’s realizing that we aren’t going anywhere. Heaven is coming to us.
We are being redeemed by the resurrection and the transformation of our mind, body, and soul—along with all of creation.
The creation narrative affirms the renewal of all things in the end. It points to God’s deep love for the human body and creation. He doesn’t want to get rid of the earth, the material, creation and our bodies. He said “It is good,” and He wants to resurrect it, renew it and give us the fullest version of it forever—as He intended for it to be.
Lie 2: Sex is bodily, and nothing spiritual or real happens during the act. Sex doesn’t involve the whole self; mind, body, and soul.
The truth is sex always involves the whole self. Union occurs during sex, whether you like it or not.
1 Corinthians 6:15-16 says, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.‘”
The “truth about sexual intercourse: it is a sensual act with spiritual implications, a physical act with an inner meaning. Therefore, the act is immoral unless it is joined by an intention to accept what the inner meaning signifies.” — Lewis B. Smedes, Sex for Christians: The Limits and Liberties of Sexual Living
Lie 3: My body belongs to me, for my pleasure. My body answers no one except me and my desires.
Truth: My body belongs to God, for Him, for His pleasure. I will give an account of what I did with my body. My body was purchased by God and belongs to Him.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Truth: Our bodies also belong to our future spouses. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
Think about this: Every person you sleep with, you are giving them authority over you and ownership over your heart. Make sure they give you legal authority over them as well before you sign, seal and deliver your rights over to that person.
“And now we can see clearly why Paul thought sexual intercourse by unmarried people was wrong. It is wrong because it violates the inner reality of the act; it is wrong because unmarried people thereby engage in a life-uniting act without a life-uniting intent. Whenever two people copulate without a commitment to life-union, they commit fornication… But his absolute no to sexual intercourse for unmarried people is rooted in his conviction that it is a contradiction of reality. Intercourse signs and seals — and maybe even delivers — a life-union; and life-union means marriage.” – Lewis B. Smedes, Sex for Christians (p. 110)
So this is a healthy Christian journey toward covenant and consummation.
The Christian truth is simply this: there is no Christian worship without the body’s involvement.
Christian religion involves the entire self.
Jesus gave his body. That’s why we celebrate with Communion because we have a God who gave of Himself entirely. Eucharist is not a celebration of God’s good intentions, knowledge, or special revelations. The Eucharist is the celebration of God’s love displayed when His mind, heart, and body was given completely over for us.
We are celebrating His Body and Blood.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God —this is your true and proper worship.”
— Romans 12:1
In Marriage: It is what you do with your bodies in marriage (giving yourself over to your spouse in love, forgiveness, tenderness, sacrifice, sexual intimacy) that expresses your devotion and worship to God.
In Dating: It is what you do and don’t do with your bodies that express your devotion and worship to God.
Today, let’s re-offer our bodies as living sacrifices.
“Merciful God, I present my body, a living sacrifice.”
All images and materials are copyright protected and are the property of EKKO Church unless otherwise noted and credited to their maker. Please do not copy or distribute without permission.
On this journey as Christians, we grow in adoration for Jesus when we remember again how great that chasm that was between us and God. But often when we are confronted with the appalling nature of our sin, there are two responses we usually take: One is a desire to control. We want to fix ourselves or at least appear like we have it all together. As if God did the heavy lifting with our conversion, but it’s okay now – we can take it from here. Our hearts grow stubborn and calloused with pride.
The other direction we run is shame. We despair, “Why am I still dealing with this? I thought I’d be better by now.” We run, we hide, we cover-up. Wounds fester because we fear giving them to God, we fear rejection. That He’ll be disappointed or frustrated.
But in both of these responses, we drive an ocean between us and God. We actually reject God. The reality is, God is not impressed with my pretense, nor is He annoyed with my brokenness. And this is the wild and unrelenting grace of God, that time and time again, He desires for my wandering and obstinate heart. That He’s Almighty God, perfect in every way, Holy and RIghteous and wholly justified to judge me with a heavy hand, and yet He loves a stubborn and mopey sinner like me? And with compassion and a warm embrace He receives me when I turn back to Him.
Listen and meditate with us as we read from David’s prayer in Psalm 51.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Amen.
When we stay in these places of self-sufficiency and guilt, we’re actually telling God, that we’re done here. We are out.
But when press in, despite the mess and the fear, when we turn toward God, with defeat in tow and with the ugliness of pride, this is our repentance and this is where we are restored. Though we tremble under the knife, this is the joy of our salvation. Submitting ourselves to our Great Surgeon and trusting His careful hand in the crushing and the breaking. There is grace still on the other side of our sorrow and our letting go. And there is life and freedom being ready to be born out of confession and repentance.
Whether we’ve been on this journey for a few months or for many years, we are still on this side of heaven. God is still at work in us, and we can either let Him in or close Him out. So this Lenten season, we want to ask God, in His infinite kindness and mercy – to either crush us or break us, so that we can be restored in Him. For our God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn His face from us if we return to him. Repentance invites God back into the room we’ve pushed Him out of.
Whether in our confidence or doubt, in sorrow or content, we practice a life of repentance by confessing again and again our inadequacy and confessing our need for God.
So this week, let’s repent as individuals and as a body. Let’s fast our need to cover up or hide, but rather feast on being broken and contrite before God. What are the rooms in your heart that you’ve closed off? What are the tender parts of your mind that you wince at giving to Him? If you’re comfortable, share this with members in your peloton or loved ones. Invite them to pray over you as you pray this over yourself.
“God, I’m Yours. I submit to Your hand. Crush me, break me, so that I can be one with You again.”
And for Parents, a prayer of blessing for your child:
“Child, may you come to know the grace and big, big love of God that is more than enough for you.”
Amen.
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