On this journey as Christians, we grow in adoration for Jesus when we remember again how great that chasm that was between us and God. But often when we are confronted with the appalling nature of our sin, there are two responses we usually take: One is a desire to control. We want to fix ourselves or at least appear like we have it all together. As if God did the heavy lifting with our conversion, but it’s okay now – we can take it from here. Our hearts grow stubborn and calloused with pride.
The other direction we run is shame. We despair, “Why am I still dealing with this? I thought I’d be better by now.” We run, we hide, we cover-up. Wounds fester because we fear giving them to God, we fear rejection. That He’ll be disappointed or frustrated.
But in both of these responses, we drive an ocean between us and God. We actually reject God. The reality is, God is not impressed with my pretense, nor is He annoyed with my brokenness. And this is the wild and unrelenting grace of God, that time and time again, He desires for my wandering and obstinate heart. That He’s Almighty God, perfect in every way, Holy and RIghteous and wholly justified to judge me with a heavy hand, and yet He loves a stubborn and mopey sinner like me? And with compassion and a warm embrace He receives me when I turn back to Him.
Listen and meditate with us as we read from David’s prayer in Psalm 51.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Amen.
When we stay in these places of self-sufficiency and guilt, we’re actually telling God, that we’re done here. We are out.
But when press in, despite the mess and the fear, when we turn toward God, with defeat in tow and with the ugliness of pride, this is our repentance and this is where we are restored. Though we tremble under the knife, this is the joy of our salvation. Submitting ourselves to our Great Surgeon and trusting His careful hand in the crushing and the breaking. There is grace still on the other side of our sorrow and our letting go. And there is life and freedom being ready to be born out of confession and repentance.
Whether we’ve been on this journey for a few months or for many years, we are still on this side of heaven. God is still at work in us, and we can either let Him in or close Him out. So this Lenten season, we want to ask God, in His infinite kindness and mercy – to either crush us or break us, so that we can be restored in Him. For our God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn His face from us if we return to him. Repentance invites God back into the room we’ve pushed Him out of.
Whether in our confidence or doubt, in sorrow or content, we practice a life of repentance by confessing again and again our inadequacy and confessing our need for God.
So this week, let’s repent as individuals and as a body. Let’s fast our need to cover up or hide, but rather feast on being broken and contrite before God. What are the rooms in your heart that you’ve closed off? What are the tender parts of your mind that you wince at giving to Him? If you’re comfortable, share this with members in your peloton or loved ones. Invite them to pray over you as you pray this over yourself.
“God, I’m Yours. I submit to Your hand. Crush me, break me, so that I can be one with You again.”
And for Parents, a prayer of blessing for your child:
“Child, may you come to know the grace and big, big love of God that is more than enough for you.”
Amen.